Monday, July 31, 2006



wierd. haha

posted by Ivan at 10:36 PM

Poor minahs!

Q: How can you tell if a minah isn't wearing any underwear?

A: From the dandruff on her shoes!

Q: How can you seat four minahs in the same chair?

A: Flip it upside-down!!

posted by Ivan at 8:23 PM

Sunday, July 30, 2006
Have A Laugh On Us

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...
The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
- Matt Lauer, on NBC's "Today" show

Proverb Of The Day

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy -
give one and take ten.
- Mark Twain

posted by Ivan at 10:03 PM

Hearing Aid

Two elderly neighbors were talking the other day and one said to the other.

"Hey I just bought a new hearing aid the other day, best hearing aid I've ever had, cost over $4,000."

"Great. What kind is it?"

"About 12:30 pm"

Argh!

Mrs Devan Nair was in an SQ flight when she asked for a copy of 'Vo-gwue' magazine.

Air stewardess: You mean 'Vogue' magazine?

Mrs Nair: OK, whatever, I won't arg with you.

posted by Ivan at 1:20 PM


posted by Ivan at 1:19 AM

Friday, July 28, 2006
how cheap are you?

Okay so heres the deal. start with $300, you look it over and see how many of these things you have done, and you have to deduct the amount along the way, then post the amount that you have left.

<250 = angel
<200 = newborn
<150 = pure
<100 = normal
<75 = decent
>75 = unclean

had sex-- $20
went past first base-- $20
only went to first base-- $2
smoked-- $12
got drunk-- $21
went skinny dipping-- $10
kissed someone of the opposite sex-- $1
had more than one bf/gf at the same time-- $3
cheated-- $2
fell asleep in class-- $0.50
cheated on a quiz-- $5
been expelled-- $1
been in a fist fight-- $2
done oral-- $18
got oral-- $10
prank called the cops-- $1
stole something-- $10
done drugs-- $12
dyed your hair-- $10
done something with someone older-- $2
went out with someone OVER 18 if your under 18-- $3
ate a whole thing of oreos-- $1
cried yourself to sleep-- $5
said you love someone but didnt mean it-- $2
been in love-- $2
had more than 3 crushes in a month -- $1
got caught doing something that you shouldnt have been doin-- $7
went streaking-- $10
got arrested-- $1
got a warning -- $0.50
madeout with someone at the movies-- $6
peed in the pool-- $10
played spin the bottle-- $5
done something you regret-- $5
had sex with more than one person-- $9
been to town drunk or stoned-- $8
been to a club-- $10
had a job for more than 2 months-- $20
went out with you ex's good friend -- $20
make new friends frequently -- $2
did anything with the same sex - $10

result: $189.00

posted by Ivan at 11:38 PM

Sunday, July 23, 2006
Blogs find new homes

Blog: http://-my-so-called-life-.blogspot.com/
Previous Owner: Benjamin Yeo
Current Owner: Panda-girl

Blog: http://thecrumpler.blogspot.com/
Previous Owner: Ezekiel Seow
Current Owner: TheCrumpler

Blog: http://dinodiary.blogspot.com/
Previous Owner: Daryl Ng
Current Owner: Dino-King

First Impressions
of your 5 close friends.

Nadhir - first met in p6 class
"wow, hes damn pro at slacking"

Jonathan - first met in sec 1 class
"retarded, maths, freak"

Shaun B - sec 1 class
"small, black boy. full of shit"

Benjamin - never really met him until Sec 2, band
"cute, asshole. has lots of alcohol"

S Pang - same as ben
"damn quiet & childish"

posted by Ivan at 11:37 PM

Totally Defenceless

Two Hokkien pengs, Ah Beng and Ah Seng, got promoted from privates to corporals.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Ah Beng says, "Eh, Seng ah, there's the NCO Club. Let's go inside and togo." "But we all is plivate only, mah," protests Ah Seng. "No, we all is copler now," says Ah Beng, pulling him inside.

Once inside the pub, Ah Beng says, "Okay, let's order some beer and togo!" "But we all is plivate!" says Ah Seng. "Piang eh, you cannot see, meh?" says Ah Beng, pointing to his stripes. "We all is copler now!"

After leaving the NCO club, Ah Beng and Ah Seng go to Geylang. There, Ah Beng whistles at a hooker, but the hooker says, "Sorry, hor. Tonight cannot because I got gonorrhea."

Ah Beng pulls Ah Seng to the side and say, "Eh, you go and check the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. It it's okay, give me the okay sign." Ah Seng goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Ah Beng a big thumbs-up.

Three weeks later, Ah Beng is in the hospital with a severe case of gonorrhea. "Ni na beh," he scolds Ah Seng. "Why you tell me it's okay?" "Not my fault!" says Ah Seng. "In the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects the privates."

Then he points to his stripes: "But we is copler now, mah!"

~

"In so much that you love so shall you grieve. In doing for others, you are doing for yourself. In doing for yourself, you are doing for others."

posted by Ivan at 11:23 PM

Monday, July 17, 2006

flooble said that I am
Not Gay
(Not that there's anything wrong with that.)




Macdonalds Game
http://www.mcvideogame.com/index.html

No, you idiot!

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."

She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.

G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."

So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"

So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."

And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

posted by Ivan at 7:15 PM

Sunday, July 16, 2006
10 people's most valued assets

i want (not in order):
~pang's dicipline
~dailami's wealth
~ben yeo's street-smartness
~nadhir's guts
~jonathan's retarded lameness
~gabriel's brains
~louis's candidness
~shaunb's quick thinking
~frank's friendly-ness
~reginald's passion

posted by Ivan at 11:44 PM

Thursday, July 13, 2006
Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;

And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by.

I will cry out to God Most High,
To God who performs all things for me.

Psalm 57:1,2

posted by Ivan at 11:59 PM

Wednesday, July 12, 2006
the what, what, what?

THE CANs
Can you blow a bubble?:
yeah. i once blew a buble so big that i got stuck in it.

Can you dance?:
absolutely.

Can you do a cart wheel?:
yes.. im good at it.

Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?:
NO my tongue's pretty inflexible but i can still tongue well
heheh

Can you touch your toes?:
yes, with my nose

Can you whistle?:
yeah. damn high

Can you wiggle your ears?:
maybe

Can you wiggle your nose?
maybe

THE DIDs
Did you ever run away from home?:
maybe

Did you ever want to be a doctor?:
still do

Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?:
still do

Did you ever want to be a police officer?:
still do

Did you ever tell a stupid joke and no one laughed?
stupid joke - yeah
no one laughed - no
i was the only one laughing - yeah

THE DOs
Do you know how to swim?:
only breast stroke & doggy style & a bit of freestyle

Do you like roller coasters?:
those big things -yes
the snack - not really

Do you own a bike?:
a small little one but its spoilt

Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?:
what shows? of course..

THE DOES'
Does hair loss run in your family at all?:
i have no idea

Does your car get good gas mileage?:
nope, it runs on natural gas

Does your family have family picnics?:
used to.

THE HAVEs
Have you ever been on a plane?
nope, but i've been IN one before..

Have you ever asked someone out?:
yeah.. only people i know

Have you ever been asked out by someone?
only by people i know -.-
ahhaha wth??

Have you ever been to the ocean?:
nah

Have you ever gone fishing?
yes.

Have you ever painted your nails?
think so..

THE HOWs
How did you find out about Friendster?
they e-mailed me & told me if i join them i'll have more friends

How many of them have you met in person?
umm..most? i cant remember who i've met anyway

THE WHATs
What are you listening to?
now? my mum.

What is the temperature outside?:
outside WHAT?
outside my body - HOT!
just outside my body - HOTTER

What radio station do you listen to?:
whichever is playing songs

What was the last restaurant you ate at?
dunno.. i dont remember most things -.- DIR~

What was the last thing you bought?
lunch frm the canteen.

What was the last thing you had to drink?:
salt solution.. no, really!

What was the last thing on TV you
singapore idol

THE WHOs
Who is your newest friend you have on Friendster?
some girl.. or guy. i dunno!!

Who was the last person you smsed?
benjy ahahahah gay~

Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?:
some girl asking for another girl (wrong no)

Who is your current crush?
i dunno! i keep switching every second! :0

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
peter.

Who was the last person to leave you a comment?
ilovetoroll. oh thats me HAHA
whos peter?

Who was the last person you said I love you to?
Ooh. myself.

posted by Ivan at 9:22 PM

Sunday, July 09, 2006
Q: A tree doubled in height each year until it reached its maximum height in 20 years. How many years did it take this tree to reach half its maximum height?

A: answer below.

Costume Party

This guy goes to a costume party with a girl on his back.
"What the heck are you?" asks the host.
"I'm a snail," says the guy.
"But... you have a girl on your back" replies the host.
"Yeah," he says, "that's Michelle."








Answer to the riddle:
19 years. (i got this wrong at first)

posted by Ivan at 1:27 PM

Friday, July 07, 2006
Did you know?

The hole in the doughnut has been attributed to the Pennsylvania Dutch who punched holes in the original Dutch 'olykoeks'.
The hole has also been attributed to a New England sea captain, Hanson Gregory, who, in 1847 punched holes in the dough because his mother's donuts were not cooked in the center.
Neither of them were the first to have thought of the idea though. Archaeologists have found petrified fried cakes with holes in them in the southwestern U.S. in prehistoric Native American ruins.
So donuts have been invented more than once.

posted by Ivan at 11:39 PM

Thursday, July 06, 2006
Angel Test
Below 30 points = Angel

1) smoked b4 [x]
2) drink alcohol b4 [x]
3) slept with someone of the opposite sex [x]
4) slept with someone of the same sex [x]
5) gotten into any fights [x]
6) kissed someone of the opposite sex b4 [x]
7) kissed someone of the same sex b4 [x]
8) had someone in your room of the opposite sex [x]
9) scold vulgarities [x]
10) bought porn [ ]

TOTAL: 9

11) take drugs b4 [x]
12) hate going to the doctors [x]
13) lied to your parents [x]
14) lied to a friend [x]
15) snuck out of the house [x]
16) done something illegal [x]
17) cut yourself [x]
18) hurt someone [x]
19) wished someone to die [x]
20) seen someone die [ ]

TOTAL: 9

21) missed curfew [x]
22) stayed out all night [x]
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself [x]
24) been to a therapist [x]
25) been to rehab [ ]
26) dyed your hair [x]
27) received a ticket [ ]
28) been in a wreck [x]
29) been to a club [ ]
30) been to a bar [x]

TOTAL: 7

31) been to a wild party [x]
32) seen the Mardi Gras [ ]
33) had a fight [x]
34) had a spring break in Florida [ ]
35) sniffed anything [x]
36) wore black nail polish b4 [x]
37) wore wrist bands [x]
38) wore t-shirts with band names [x]
39) wore black eyeliner [x]
40) own a 50 cent CD [ ]

TOTAL: 7

41) hugged someone of the opposite sex [x]
42) hugged someone of the same sex [x]
43) gone out with someone of the opposite sex [x]
44) gone out with someone of the same sex [ ]
45) stole something [x]
46) been too drunk to remember anything [x]
47) blacked out [x]
48) fainted [x]
49) had a crush on your neighbour [x]
50) had someone else snuck into your room [x]

TOTAL: 9

51) snuck into someone else's room [x]
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex [hell no]
53) had gone and watched movies with friends [x]
54) dry humped someone [x]
55) been called a sl*t [x]
56) called someone a sl*t [x]
57) installed speakers in your car [ ]
58) broke a mirror [x]
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house [x]
60) brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush [x]

TOTAL: 8

61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper [ ]
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters [ ]
63) going out with friends to the mall [x]
64) skipped school [x]
65) had an eating disorder [x]
66) had hurt yourself b4 [x]
67) gone to court [ ]
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying [x]
69) caught something on fire [x]
70) lied about your age [x]

TOTAL: 7

71) owned an apartment [ ]
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend [x]
73) cheated with someone [x]
74) got in trouble with the police [x]
75) talked to a stranger [x]
76) hugged a stranger [x]
77) kissed a stranger [x]
78) rode in the car with a stranger [x]
79) been sexually harassed [x]
80) been verbally harassed [x]

TOTAL: 9

81) met face to face with someone you met online [x]
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight [x]
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours [x]
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight [x]
85) been to a fair [x]
86) been called a bad influence [x]
87) been cursed [x]
88) prank called someone [x]
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex [x]
90) cheated on a test [x]

TOTAL: 10

91) cheated on homework [x]
92) held hands with someone of the
opposite sex [x]
93) wants to be dead [x]
94) cuts yourself b4 [x]
95) hate yourself [x]
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you [x]
97) had a crush on someone younger than you [x]
98) worn eyeliner [x]
99) skinny dipped [ ]
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt [x]

TOTAL: 9

GRAND TOTAL: 84

posted by Ivan at 2:39 AM

Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Cold Winter

In October, the Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was
going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief
replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the
village should collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to a phone booth, called the
National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter is indeed going to be
very cold."

So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more
wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather
Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold
winter?"

"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring
back every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you
absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like
crazy."

posted by Ivan at 10:02 PM